Most jealousy only has something to with yourself. Therefore it’s also important to be aware of what is actually happening inside yourself.
Bad mood often leads to negative thinking, and if you think negatively, you really allow your jealousy to take over, which is no good.
Consider your own mood
It’s actually your responsibility for the people around you to make others aware of your mood if you ask me.
If you are in a bad mood, or just being tired, it is sometimes a good idea to tell your partner. Especially if you don’t know each other’s kinds of mood as well or if you just need to remind each other of it.
Not that I say it’s necessary to do every time, but sometimes it may be helpful to inform each other about your emotional state of mind.
In that way you avoid uncertainty and disappointment with your partner because of your mood. It often just makes your partner understanding you better, and therefore just makes her/him to make an extra effort in helping you.
Bad moods can also make you insecure. It can make your emotions fluctuate, and you’ll get lesser surplus energy than you normally have. Be conscious about it so you can act on it and accept it.
Once you’ve turned it into place, it won’t take a destructive role in your relationship.
To daydream and relax
If your partner cannot help you with your bad mood in some situations, it might be a good idea for you to lie down in your bed, all alone, close your eyes and relax completely.
Daydream about the things you want to fill your head with; it’s your life, you decide it.
It helps me if I close my eyes and simply see myself exactly where I am. It gives me grounding.
Then I think of the people whom are close to me, who make me happy, whether it be friends, family or my partner.
After some time when your body relaxes, you’ll begin to feel the desired effect of calmness, relaxation and joy. Then I usually begin to think about the things that either confuse or stress me. When I do that jalousy often leaves my mind automatically, because I study the process of letting it go.
I’ll simply go from A to Z, whether its jealousy or anything else, I go through everyday problems. In most cases you’ll feel that you can let go of all the negative things, and then wake up and be completely healthy and fresh. Think of it as a mental shower.
The alternative jealousy tool
If you aren’t familiar with the alternative methods, you should consider skipping this chapter or read it and certainly don’t expect that it’s something you master in a single day.
It’s NOT a must to be able to do these things to get rid of your jealousy. It’s just an opportunity like everything else in this book.
If you aren’t aware of similar methods, it might seem mysterious to you, which is completely understandable.
I have developed a visualization tool, which I call “The Beach”.
The name is given after the place I’m usually at when I meditate.
If you have meditated before, you could probably begin doing the exercise without further ado. If you haven’t, I suggest you do your best, because when you first grasp the idea, it’s easy.
During the periods where I’ve been really jealous, and my life has been ravaged by jealousy, tools like these have been extremely useful. They have actually given me more than jealousy treatment.
Getting to your personal beach
Like all other meditation techniques, it’s important that you find rest and get to the right state of trance.
One of my most used methods is this: Lay on your back, close your eyes and give yourself half a minute before doing anything further.
Once you have found peace, you breath in calmly and breath out.
With each inhalation and exhalation, hold your breath for one second to concentrate your breathing.
To find your concentration you in- and exhale ten times in a row, while you count each one.
If you lose the concentration before you’ve counted to 10 of them, it means that you aren’t focused enough and then you have to start over.
When you feel that you have mastered your concentration and your breathing, you begin to move further into the trance.
Once you master the 10 concentrations and breathing, it’s on to the next step.
For each breath, you visualize that you sink a half-meter down wherever you are right now.
The 10 breaths will get you 5 meters below the ground and visualize at this point that everything around you is up where you started, and NOT where you are now. This means that all sounds and vibrations have no effect on you when you, because you are 10 breaths and 5 feet lower down than the real world.
Once you are in the right trance
Once you’ve found the right state of trance, ignore all sounds and vibrations from above, and still are 5 metres below the ground, then you’re ready to step out on your own personal beach.
As you walk on to your beach, imagine how you suddenly start to feel the warm and simmer pleasant sand between your toes.
As you get further into your personal beach, you will see different characters take form.
These figures are only persons that you are 100% comfortable with in your life. These people are typically also someone you love very much. If you are jealous while you’re doing the ‘beach’, you must remember to focus on the good things about your partner, and not what you are jealous about. Remember that jealousy is hard to “push” away, so jealousy has to be replaced by another feeling.
When you have visualized all the people you love and are 100% comfortable with, it’s time to really feel their presence.
Here it is okay to shed a tear or two, it just means that you are in a completely correct trance and is ready to proceed.
Items on the Beach
What’s so great about this exercise is that it’s only your imagination that sets the limits.
This means that you can form the elements on the beach during the visualization exercise that you personally want to. There is only one basic element in each visualization exercise that appears over and over again and that’s the sand on the beach. This symbolizes the challenges, concerns or frustrations you might have. When you feel one of the things that confront you visualize a pile of sand on your beach. Visualize that you smoothen it down with the other sand, while you’re release the negative emotions. Get one of your characters on the island to help you; it can promote the positive effect.My personal elements consist of the following:
A beach bar:
The bar symbolizes the music that I like to listen to during the visualization, I put the music on that has a positive effect on me even in real life or not. I might supplement with one of my characters who can stand in the bar, if it’s having a positive effect. It might be my father who is one of my biggest idols, while there is played some happy rock music on the radio. Both things combined together have a positive effect of the meditation.
Two Banners:
One is red, the other is green. On the red banner there are quotes that I must focus most on, like a first priority. On the green, it’s the same, just the second priority. For instance, the red banner says, “You can do it!” if I just have to do something very demanding just around the corner. On the green banner it can say be, “Straighten your back” because it’s something I still try to get better with.
A well of the past:
This is the strongest and most used item I use against jealousy. My ‘well’ is located at the left of my view of the beach in some distance behind some hills. The reason is that my focus should not be at the well (the past), unless it’s necessary.
If I’m jealous, I can visualize that I throw an event or a person into the well and close the cover. The whole process has an extremely positive effect on my jealousy. But not to let jealousy topple over me again when I open the well, I don’t visualize any mental pictures, but only smells that I can identify the things with, that I’ve thrown in my past well. Try it out; it is a powerful tool against jealousy.
A cabin with a bed:
It’s one of the milder, but still powerful elements helping me to sleep. If I need to sleep, I visualize myself to go into the hut and go to bed; this is no more complicated than that.
As I said to you earlier in this chapter, it’s not a must to get acquainted with the alternative visualization tool, as it usually requires some experience with something similar. But you’re welcome to try it out, as long as you don’t expect yourself to master it from tomorrow on. Give yourself all the time you need.
