You’ve reached the bottom of my book, which means you have reached the last chapter. This chapter is especially important, as I briefly want to summarize the entire book for you.
Can you feel that you have become wiser about jealousy and may already be less jealous?
You hopefully are, and I am very glad, if you are.
But jealousy isn’t the same as building a birdhouse. The fact is that there is no “how-to” manual to become free from jealousy.
On the other hand, there are a lot of help available, for example in my book that you just have concerned yourself with.
You’ve acknowledged that you are jealous, and have done something about it – for the first time perhaps.
You are about to catch the rewards now!
You deserve to sit back and enjoy your progress. As I said before, you’re probably not quite finished yet.
First, I briefly summarize just what you’ve learned in this book, so we’re sure you don’t miss anything. If you are unsure about any of it, then go back in the book and immerse yourself in the chapter.
All chapters are important for each element in relation to jealousy.
Healthy and unhealthy jealousy:
From now on, you know what the difference between healthy and unhealthy jealousy is. This means that you from now on, ask yourself an extra time if you really have a good reason to be jealous next time you’ll become it. If you are experiencing healthy jealousy, and even believe that you are well within your right to be jealous, be jealous with style.
Depending on how serious the situation was, then try to have a proper communication with your partner. Talk quietly, be open and honest. Just be yourself. You probably know what I’m talking about, because you’ve read about it all in this book.
Know your jealousy pattern:
Agree with yourself, that your unhealthy patterns must be stopped before they are allowed to control you again, and lead you into another quarrel. Tell yourself that it’s your life, you decide – not your jealousy.
It can be really hard to break the pattern the first time, but already the second time you will notice a difference in how easy it is. You can easily break them!
(If you haven’t already done it, jump back to the first exercise, when you’ve read the book, and make a mind map of your jealousy patterns. It will help to give you an overview, so you can really do something about them.)
Control your imagination:
Don’t just think, be sure! Let your rational mind get a few more chances, than it does when you’re jealous. Don’t let your good imagination be abused by your jealousy. Keep the promise to yourself to think rationally, even though it can be difficult. Remember that you have a partner, because he/she loves you, she probably wants to help you with that.
Stop caring about what others might think about you:
I cannot tell you how important this is enough times.
It’s so incredibly important, that you let go and stop caring about what others think about you.
As long as you’re not, you’re not living your own life, but others lives.
What I’m saying isn’t that you should stop to doing something about yourself, when you’re in public, or something like that. What I mean is that you shouldn’t care about what others think of you.
You may be consumed by jealousy and anger, if you think about, what one of the people your partner has previously been with, is thinking about you. You may be afraid about that he/she thinks you’re a fool, and laughs of having been with your partner before you. So what? It’s their thoughts and their lives; it has nothing to do with you and your partner, so stop caring about it. It can be difficult and requires a lot of practice and rational thinking, but it you can succeed, believe me you’re getting it told by an expert. Suddenly you will realize how irrelevant it is, what others think about you, and when it really happens one day, it will be pure fun for you.
(If you haven’t already been digging into it, then jump back to the second exercise, after you read the book. Second exercise is a great tool against the above. The second exercise is indeed generally a very powerful tool for many situations, especially against jealousy.)
The past:
Let go of it. You maybe think that it’s easier said than done. You may also be right, but it doesn’t change the fact, that you only have one life. If you’ll let the past control your present and future, then you have already lived your life completely. Do you understand what I’m saying?
If the past is something you cannot change, you must change the way you relate to it. Use your rationality and positive thoughts to move on, and regain your happiness.
If you’re angry, disappointed or upset, then let when come out of you. Emotions should be out sooner or later, you can’t just magically make them disappear. Write 5 pieces of A4 pages, about how much you hate you’re ex boy- or girlfriend because he/she kissed with someone else, if that could be the case.
What I mean is that to move forward, you must let go of the past and especially your past that’s provoking your jealousy.
Think positive:
Do you remember the example I gave you about if the bottle is half full or half empty. You decide how you’ll look on your own life. Whether you do it one way or another, it doesn’t change what you cannot change it. So drop the negative thoughts, and start thinking positively. Believe me, it’s much more fun and you’ll get everything back from the world around you, even more.
Communications:
I told you earlier that this point may constitute 50% of a relationship, and it tells me you still.
If you are jealous, or there are other things in your relationship, which must go through the factory talk between you and your partner, then drop just forget your pride for a while. Of course you must accept yourself and your limits, but do not be getting too proud.
What I mean is that you must be yourself. Show your feelings, be open and completely honest. Look at what YOU can do, and not what your partner is doing wrong. It will strengthen your relationship very much in the short- and long term.
Believe me; once you make it a good habit, you want to write a book about how wonderful it is (which I’ve also have done).
Another thing that I really hope you’re listening to is that you must promise me to take a walk. If you and your partner are getting close to begin quarreling.
No matter how red in the face you are then take a walk, just 5 minutes!
You will save your mouth for so many words, that you’re going to regret, if you just took yourself together, and did the walk in 5 minutes it is. Promise me now, it’s one of the most effective, but also the simplest advices you’ll get in this book.
Trust:
You could actually write a book about that subject alone, but it would also be too much to ask of you, to read a book on every topic about jealousy and relationships. Don’t worry; you’re going to learn the most important things here.
Trust is something two people have for each other. It falls and rises, depending on what you make out of it.
Trust is necessary for you to relax in your relationship. Be reliable to your partner. If you do, you’ll go a long way, and also be less suspicious to your partner.Work for it, so it can be a part of your relationship, everything else is hopeless, because without trust in a relationship, it’s like driving a car without tires. So make yourself aware of it, talk with your partner about how important it is, focus on it and don’t forget it.
Feelings:
Feelings goes up and down, whether it’s good or a less good feeling. Emotions don’t have to go up and down for months at a time, but some fluctuations now and then is normal. If you didn’t felt that way sometimes, it would be abnormal.
That means you must accept that the feelings between you and your partner are not the same every single day.
This means that you don’t need to be insecure, worried, and jealous or have negative thoughts about when the your feelings go up and down sometimes. Relax and live in the moment.
Overnight you’ll typically find out that it isn’t your emotions which fluctuate, but your mood and a lot of other factors inside you. You’ll learn it, just relax about it.
Presence:
Remember to care for your presence with your partner. All relationships need attention, especially if you had a period of absence from each other or a time with bickering. So make it a habit to snuggle, cuddle, kiss and hug. Sex can also give a lot of presence, if otherwise you’re focusing on immersing in each another.
Presence may also be that you spend time together. A great idea would be to put your cellphones away, turn off the TV or anything else that disturbs you. If you’re not used to it, don’t be afraid. It’s a matter of habits, and suddenly you’ll feel the presence flows over you. You probably even know what I mean, and won’t doubt when it happens. Just think of the romantic moments you’ve had in your life, it’s somehow like the same.
Remember your own life, and make space for it. You don’t own each other:
Remember that you have your own life, that also requires the attention it needs. Your relationship will not last, if you don’t listen to yourself, your wants and your needs.
Come out and practice the sport you like, cultivate your hobby, hang out with friends and just do the things that makes you happy.
It may require some practice, to integrate a relationship in your life, but you have no choice.
If you continue to suppress your own life, it usually ends up with stress, jealousy and maybe even a depression.
You both need some time for yourself sometimes. Accept that it’s perfectly plain, without the need to create uncertainty among you both.
I thus also have a better opportunity to miss each other, and it’s a wonderful thing.
It was probably the most important thing I summarized, so I hope you have a good grip on each topic so that you can really get a grip on your jealousy.
